Living with Death

This beautiful succulent is called a lithops, or "living stone." It's a lovely thought. A plant literally named after somethind "dead as a rock," yet in full bloom.

We are, in most cultures, death-avoidant. We cry when we experience loss. We react toward death with profound grief. In Western cultural, especially, we wage heroic battles against death. James Hillman, the Jungian analyst, makes a mighty hypothesis that the Herculean effort, the cult of hero, may not be our best template for facing death. Instead, he invokes as inspiration the idea of Hermes, the Messenger. It was said only Hermes held a return-ticket from the Underground.

A death doula, or the idea of an Aman Cara, is a soul-friend who accompanies a "dying" person toward this body death, and uses myth, religion, the natural world, creativity, and often, just silent companionship, to ease the body's passage from this life to death, while engaging their soul to live, and live fully, during the process.

We can collaborate with those on the death path to engage with life in any manner they see fit: We can read. We can converse. We can create. We can plan a soul celebration. We can offer your family respite. We are not medical professionals. We are soul practictioners.

Many think of palliative and hospice care as 24/7 in-person care medical personnel. Unfortunately, this is usually not the case. Our insurance system, and its prohibitive cost, do not pay for this quality of care. Hospice nurses, especially, are the most dedicated, compassionate, and thoughtful medical personnel we have. But it is not possible for them to be with the palliative or hospice patient around-the-clock, in most ¹circumstances.

We can take this as an opportunity to support them, and you, by doing the work of death doula, or Anam Cara, by being a soul companion. We can discuss legal issues you may want to address. We can explore alternative burial. We can sit in silence, or be serenaded by bird song. None of us are truly heroic when it comes to dying. We are not required to be so. But we can take our lead from Hermes, and travel to the underworld, and return, again and again, with perhaps a deeper understanding of death each time we emerge, till your body returns home, and your soul returns home, as well, each having learned its purpose. We can live joyously till death. We can live joyously with death. We need not be afraid of the "underworld." We are allowed passage, both there and back - a round-trip ticket, like life itself, home.